Me and every other human, we’re all somewhere on the insecurity spectrum.
And if we pretend, over-compensate, or refuse to see our insecurity in the mirror, we may be more insecure than most.
So today I’m breaking the blog-mould to share something I wouldn’t normally wordify.
Because this week in particular – after another funeral of another beautiful friend – I’m more-than-usual acutely aware of life’s brevity and I have a growing passion to cheer for people facing their insecurities so they can be everything God put them here to be while they’re still here and God keeps nudging me to get over my insecurity (ha!) and share this thing, so here goes.
About three years ago, God showed me something, and maybe you need to see it too.
I saw myself standing on a massive granite outcrop. If you’ve been to Pretoriuskop in the Kruger National Park – the rocks around the swimming pool? It looked like that.
You wouldn’t dream of wearing shoes on that rock. You’d want to feel the smooth solid sun-baked warm wonder of it, beneath bare feet. You’d want to lie down on it and stare up at clouds. You’d know for sure that earthquakes couldn’t budge that rock.
So I’m standing on the rock and God starts pouring life into me. The life looked like translucent, gravelly bath salts. (Nothing special or spiritual about bath salts. I don’t think.) He was pouring, and pouring, and pouring life. There was way too much of it to fit inside me. The life was, you know, abundant. (John 10:10)
The life filled every part of my insides and began pouring out of me. Pouring, pouring, pouring out. Not in an alarming flood. Just steady and lovely.
I realized I had no intrinsic worth. On my own I was just empty little me. It was the life that made me worthy.
Like, an empty sack is worthless. But fill it with rice – enough to feed a family for a month – and suddenly that sack is worth a lot. I knew I was completely worthy, because I was completely filled.
The life changed into clothes as it poured out so that I was wearing a dress made of something sturdier than chiffon, softer than organza. It was pinkish but not lame, girly, Hello Kitty pink. Understated but exquisite. It flowed down to the floor and all around me. Covered me.
My hair was in a messy ponytail. Note: not a trendy messy bun. Just a very ordinary messy ponytail. I’m pretty self-conscious about my hair. Some people have bad hair days. I’ve had bad hair decades. But suddenly it didn’t matter to me at all. I also wore a crown but I took it off and put it down on the rock because I was so very filled up with life that I didn’t need the crown. I didn’t need anyone to give me credit for my credentials.
I had absolutely nothing to prove, and absolutely no one to impress.
And the great relief was that, because I was so filled up with life, there was no space for anything else.
No space for arrogance. I hadn’t done the filling up with life. It was all God. So I couldn’t take pride in it.
No space for jealously. I couldn’t complain that things were unfair, because nothing was lacking. Even if I’d wanted something that someone else had? There wasn’t space for it anymore, because I was completely full.
Also, there was no space for not-good-enough lies. No space for insults, rejection or misunderstanding to get hooked in the heart. No space for how shame can fill me up with emptiness.
There was no space for insecurity.
I’m sharing this because the picture wasn’t just for me. Forget the pink dress and the bath salts if that’s too weird but know this:
You’re worth a lot, because you cost a lot.
Jesus paid for you with His life, pouring it out on the cross so His Father could pour it into you. You’re new and valuable. Worthy and secure. Full of Jesus, not full of yourself.
And the abundant life is too much to cram and keep inside of you. It has to spill out and over and into the lives of others.
The problem is, I forget all this. Every. Day.
Man, sometimes I forget every five minutes – who I am, and Whose I am. So we’ve just got to keep reminding each other, right?
I’m praying you’d always know –
You’re secure because you stand on the Rock of your Redeemer.
You’re enough because He has overflowed you with life.
You’re so heavy with abundance, it can make you feel light.
Sending you much love.
. . .
Happy weekend, wonderful you!
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Photo credit: Nice One Nana
I’m hoping if I read this enough I will actually realize this applies to me too! Currently on reading 5, and a tiny part of me is starting to say, ‘Wow…’
So glad Luce… Even me – need to read and re-read.. 🙂 xx