On a scale of zero to meltdown, last week rocked the stressometer at about 8.5, maybe 9. It wasn’t vastly out of the ordinary – as weeks go – but for measurable and immeasurable reasons numerous and random realities converged to impact on me in tangible and intangible ways. So last week was full of deep breaths to quell the anger tides and late nights that should have been earlier and stern life-coach conversations with myself in my head and frantic prayers and tough parenting and giddy relief and Stopayne and (praise God) Murray making me laugh in the midst of it and waiting and rushing and anxious joy and the strange sadness and excruciating beauty of nostalgia.

And lying in bed on Friday night in the cold starlit hush of the KwaZulu-Natal midlands I scrawled out on my phone in bad predictive text all the things-of-thanks that swamped my mind like so much grace washing over the week that hadn’t been arid after all. I saw how God had met me in every weakness to break the bread and share the cup and there was always enough and always there was the miracle of eucharisteo.

Here are my 39 things (well, 41 this week, in fact – two in the bank):

 

1210 Cam coming through another anaesthetic, another operation – thank you Lord!

1211 Being able to drop Scott off at my folks at 5:30am to be at the Pretoria Eye Institute by 6:00am

1212 Visits from Cam’s teachers

1213 A book of koki and crayon get-well pictures from Cam’s friends

1214 A week of home schooling which was special and kind of fun but confirmed that it’s probably not my thing

1215 Cam – post-op – and Scott – tonsillitis and bronchitis – yet still there was irrepressible exuberance and charging around naked after bath time and happy brawling

1216 Grace – understanding – blind eyes turned – at family supper when Cameron – sore and swollen – came to the end of himself and sobbed out a wild tantrum amidst cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents

1217 Cam transfixed by his theatre scrubs, stethoscope, blood pressure monitor, etc. – a gift from Granny that saved the surgery day

1218 Laughing about zombie movies with our cell group over sloppy joes

1219 Orelox

1220 Meeting with HCS headmaster and Cam’s teachers to celebrate his mainstream journey so far and plot the way forward

1221 Climbing into our bed with Cam after the surgery to sleep off the anaesthetic with him

1222 Reynard and Samantha passing on their just-emptied packing boxes so we can start cramming life under this roof into cardboard

1223 Bloggers I follow who don’t know me and yet speak into my life where God has me now

1224 So much facebook love for us over Cam’s op

1225 Meeting other parents in the wards every time we go to the Eye Institute and God using Murray to minister wisdom and insight and hope

1226 Coffee with Coral in the cafeteria while Murray was in theatre with Cam

1227 Being able to leave Lola with Mel and Andy down the road anytime we go away

1228 Our new house suddenly taking shape under a layer of dust and imagination

1229 Payday

1230 Egg mayo sandwiches for padkos

1231 Dust and open car windows

1232 Scott: ‘I love you so much – my whole heart!’

1233 Bumping into Shirl, Stuart and Carol at the Harrismith 1-Stop

1234 Willowgrange Hotel – old and old school – just fine

1235 ‘Holiday beds’ for the boys on the floor – jubilation

1236 Sunset over a farm in Africa

1237 Malanspruit sold to the government: wrestling with sadness but knowing it is what it is and nothing stays the same and nothing earth-side can hold our hope forever and nothing escapes the God who is inside of time and outside of time at the same time

1238 Privilege of being part of the last big celebration on the McIntosh farm

1239 Hearing how Murray wowed the crowds as MC at Lachlan and Analia’s USA wedding (oh the power of an accent and resembling both Hugh Grant and Ben Affleck. Happy sigh.)

1240 Craig turning six

1241 Meeting the Mun-Gavins

1242 The way Scott lifts his hands – blue eyes wide with wonder – when he talks about monsters and foxes and stars and skies and Jesus and horses and his vuvuzela

1243 Fifty kids under seven at Lachlan and Analia’s SA wedding bash

1244 When I offload my day and it lands on Murray and he holds it kindly ‘til I’m done

1245 So many old and new connections at a big wedding in a small world

1246 Dew on thick grass – Scott hugging tight – horses at the fence in cold morning sun

1247 Hanging out with Stuart and Carol at Willowgrange – catching up on months and years lost to the fullness of life in different cities

1248 Heaps of heavy blankets – warm in thick night

1249 Scott – pointing to his teary angel face – ‘I sad in my eyes.’

1250 Winter smog of the Gauteng skyline – heart sinking stomach flipping – remembering God has us here and there’s Kingdom ground to be ploughed in the rush and the throng