A sincere silence: My explanation to the internet gnomes

The internet gnomes are worried. They are wiping their little gnomish brows on their white jacket sleeves. Scurrying about cyberspace. Clipboards under gnomish arms. Shaking their heads. Tapping their pens. Checking and re-checking my stats. Watching the slow oozing of my blog traffic and muttering apocalyptically. Tut-tut.

So I feel I owe them another explanation for my recent silence. Truth is, my words have gone elsewhere. And there just aren’t many left for my blogs.

Heaps of my words inked themselves out onto old-school my-hand-is-cramping goodbye letters to the hundred or so boys I’ve taught this year. Bundles more have gone into imminent farewell speeches and scrupulously worded appraisal feedback emails and a prep school prize-giving address that I’m super-excited to be delivering. I’m storing up a couple thousand for some significant Christmas cards that loom blank and beckoning. And then some for another guest post  on You Have My Word (watch this space for the link).

I’ve also been learning about the holy joy of being fully present. So I’ve allowed loads of my words to be simply airborne. Relishing every chance at raucous banter in our treasured English office. Savouring intentionally random corridor and classroom conversations with my College boys – magnificent macho gentle creatures I will miss enormously. Relaxing into every moment of my last weeks of these seven fat years at St Alban’s.

At home this weekend we were three-out-of-four laid low with gatro. Scott (2) was the only man standing. Literally. Fascinated and somewhat alarmed he stood next to me as I had to… um… speak into the great white telephone. He reprimanded me: ‘Mom! No puke! No puke!’ When indeed I could puke no more he cheered, relieved: ‘Well done! The End!’ I had to laugh, despite my nauseated self, because even in that nauseated moment there was holy joy because we were both, like it or not, fully present.

And there. I’ve even found words to blog it.

I’m letting the internet gnomes know that a new season is coming and there will be time for more words. Plenty of time.

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