I’ll be leaving St Alban’s College in December after seven fat, full, euphoric years. I’m very sad. Excited. At peace. All at once.
Like most things when God is involved, this decision is counterintuitive if you look at it in a two-dimensional, life-on-earth kind of way. It doesn’t make sense in a recession: mouths need feeding. It doesn’t make sense in a career: ladders need climbing. It doesn’t make total sense in my heart: I love this place and these people with the marrow of my bones. Always will.
But here’s what I know.
Less needs more.
Less sight needs more support. Our Cameron starts Big School next year. Big mountains to climb. Big energy for Mom to coach and cheerlead when his early-learning building blocks are blurry. (Big excitement because he’s getting a wheely suitcase like his cousins.)
Less can be more.
Sometimes backwards (in the logical career progression expected of a grownup on this planet) means forwards (in the Kingdom). Going smaller can mean God using you bigger. ‘He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.’ (John 3:30) In all the time I’ve known Jesus, my plans have never been bigger or better than his. (Duh.) And even when I think I’ve got his good ideas figured, he always surprises me with more. More opportunities. More challenges. More curve balls. More fun.
More and less sometimes swap.
Which means a reshuffling of my chief passions. Less teaching. More writing. (Though to save sections of my soul from certain atrophy I am trusting for some kind of regular contact with other humans. I don’t think I’ll know who I am without teenage boys punching each other – in a friendly way – for space in my heart. And without them, I mean, like, boring.)
Less might mean more – later.
I have a picture of Cameron, and then Scott, ringing the St Alban’s Journey bell one day. I’ve given that dream to God. So, who knows? I’ll finish well, to lay foundations of possibility for starting again.
Less is the leap of faith to more.
Like my College boys here would say, ‘Ma’am, YOLO!’ (You Only Live Once.) Risk. Make it count. Trust that God will take full responsibility for the life fully devoted to him.